Warning: This is going to be another deep post.
I’ve had panic attacks for as long as I can remember. When I was 19 years old, however, that’s when they were at their all time worst. I had to take a leave of absence from work, I seriously could not leave the house….and even being home in my “safe” environment, I still had attacks. I knew I couldn’t continue to live like this, so I contacted my general practitioner. She prescribed me medication to help me deal with my panic disorder, and I’ve been on it ever since.
I am now 29. This was 10 years ago. The anxiety never completely went away. It was always like a little cloud that has hung over me. I’ve had ups and downs with dealing with it. Miraculously enough, when I was pregnant with Lincoln, I can honestly say I was 100% panic free. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have any anxiety.
Lately, I’ve been having trouble again. Sometimes it’s been really out of control, and it’s scary. I’ve finally figured it’s time to see a therapist who specializes in anxiety and panic disorder. Today, I took the first step and emailed three potential people. I already received a phone call back from one of them, and I have a scheduled appointment in a couple of weeks. I can’t get in sooner because of Jared’s schedule right now, and I really don’t want to bring Lincoln with me.
So, there you have it. I really sounded like a train wreck when I was on the phone talking to her earlier. She asked me some questions, so I told her about having Osteogenesis Imperfecta, and my history with panic disorder. I told her how Jared was in the Police Academy for six month, and that my Dad needs a liver transplant. While I was saying all of this out loud, I thought to myself, “geez, no wonder you’re a mess!”
I am taking the first step. I need to do this for me, and my family.